Crossdressers have four common every day worries. These worries lead to guilt, shame, or giving up on crossdressing entirely and missing out on a significant and fun way to explore and express parts of yourself that are often suppressed.

Do I pass, or am I feminine enough?

The media bombards us with images and stereotypes. Images on social media, on billboards, in movies, and our gossip pound us with the perfect woman. The reality is that even biological women struggle to live up to the feminine standards the media rams down our throats. Why wouldn’t men who crossdress feel they are not feminine enough?

Try this: when you go to the store, or movies, a concert, or out to dinner, look around you. Women come in all shapes and sizes. Some are tall. Some are short. Very few fit that ideal image, the media’s beauty standards set for us.

Yes, men have biological differences that are short of hormones and surgery: beards, Adams apples, no breasts, and the other thing between the legs are part of us. But with work, all these can be hidden. And I’ll leave you with one last point: Who cares what people think? Express who you are. Let the girl in you out!

Should I be afraid of coming out?

This might even be number one; the two are that close. For some, it’s still a secret part of my life, and my secret isn’t so much of a secret for others. I concluded everyone doesn’t have to know. For some, it’s just none of their business.

The fear of rejection and judgment weighs heavily on crossdressers because other people might view them as deviant and perverted. This fear can be paralyzing, especially if there’s a sexual aspect to their crossdressing.

For those who don’t incorporate a sexual aspect with crossdressing, many are straight men who just enjoy expressing their feminine side. They fear if they come out, it will ruin their relationships or any chance of having one in the future.

Questions like cripple them from doing what they want: What will my wife think? My girlfriend or potential mates? Will I lose my job? Or be subjected to ridicule and gossip at work? This is why many crossdressers keep their identities secret, even from their friends. That’s real and okay.

So what does one do? I’m conflicted as to how to answer that question.

On one hand, I don’t understand why people are so concerned about how someone chooses to express themselves. But on the other hand, there is so much fear and judgment surrounding those who want to wear a dress or crossdress or transition to a female full-time. It’s hard for me to grasp why society puts so much weight on gender and appearance.

In the end, deciding to come out can be a life-changing experience. It can bring freedom but expose cruel and narrow-minded people to a side of your life that many people don’t accept.

So, I advise carefully weighing the pros and cons of coming out before you do so. But in the end, confidence is vital. This brings us to the next part of my article….

How will other people react if they find out?

Hard to tell. It depends. Worrying about how your wives, coworkers, and friends will react to them in a female role is real. This concern is why I hid in the shadows for years. Now, I dress when I want, go out in public, and have few issues. I do run into people who are filled with intolerance and ignorance, and that’s uncomfortable.

I feared being passable; someone would know I was a man. Even the most hardened mind would soften and accept me if I could pass. Not true. It didn’t have anything to do with being accepted; some do, some don’t, and it’s more about confidence and not giving a f… I think.

But if you decide to open up, expect some will accept you and some won’t. But remember, that’s with anything. Some people will hate you because you’re a Democrat; others will hate you if you’re a Republican, a vegetarian, a Catholic, or a Pagan, or if you like the Buffalo Bills and you live in Boston.

So…. expect an adverse reaction depending on the person you reveal your feminity to and where you live.

What is my gender identity?

You need to be familiar with two terms: Gender Identity and Gender Expression.

I have struggled with my gender identity all my life. I felt lost and confused for many years until I just said, f… it. Society’s norms and expectations placed upon you can feel suffocating. It took time for me to understand and accept myself, but even then, I still struggle with doubts and uncertainties. And while it’s okay to explore different ways to express one’s gender, I often find myself torn between what society deems “right” and what feels suitable for me. It’s a constant battle of self-discovery and acceptance that never truly ends.

So, if you feel confused and uncomfortable, many gals are going through the same thing. Find an excellent certified counselor or other transgender women or other crossdressers and discuss these feelings with them before the emotional distress and depression overwhelm you because it will.

One crucial point is that you can express your feminine side and still identify as a male. That idea can be challenging to grasp, but it’s essential to come to terms with it. Otherwise, you’ll never clear the fog in your mind. So when you slip into a nice, sexy dress, you’ll feel no shame or guilt in doing it.

Which brings us to Gender Expression.

Gender expression is how people show their gender outside of themselves through clothing, behavior, and other ways. Gender expression can also include the pronouns used when talking to others. There are many ways to show your gender, and building a support network of people who will validate you is essential.

In the end, my belief is it’s your life. I can’t imagine living without crossdressing. I love wearing and expressing my feminine side. But the four common worries I think all of us crossdressers have still nag at my mind.